Awkward is awesome! The saying for our week

I can’t even begin to put into words what this past week has been like.  God is amazing. 

I am feeling kind of sad now that it is over and the Pathway team is gone.  I enjoyed having them here so much.  I have to keep reminding myself that this week wasn’t a mountain top experience but just more of the uphill climb.  As Amber says, “We are just getting out of the valley.”  I can’t wait to see what will happen with the rest of our lives!

God reviled Himself in so many ways this week and used ordinary people to impact lives.  God gave us BOLDNESS, a love for people, friendship, happiness, grieving, forgiveness, and healing.  It is amazing to see the church come together and support each other. 

Worship was powerful this week, everyone agreeing in song to lift up the Name of our Lord.  One of our favorite songs from the week says, “Set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain that I can’t control.  I want more of you God.”  That is my prayer for all who were on this trip.

Thank you Pathway Community Church for being obedient to the Lord! 

Set a Fire in my Soul!

It was a good day.  After a tough week last week it is refreshing to have the Pathway team here.  They are all excited to be here and they are more mature in their faith than most of the people that were here last week.  They are probably blessing me more than I am blessing them.  It is nice for a refreshing encouragement.

Today we did a lot of roaming around just talking to people.  It is so neat to hear people’s stories and look for opportunities to speak into their lives.  It is awesome to step out of your comfort zone and talk to people. 

I talked to a catholic guy (Miguel) and his girlfriend.  They just had a miscarriage 2 days ago but over all they are handling it pretty well.  Miguel has a strong faith in God and was so encouraged that we were talking to people about our faith.  They were sad about the miscarriage but know that God has a plan.  You can pray that God will be their comfort and be even more real to them.

We had a great time of worship tonight, being real and open with God and each other.  As the song goes, “There’s no place I’d rather be than here in your love.  Set a fire down in my soul God that I can’t contain, that I can’t control.”  That is my prayer.

 I am excited for what God will continue to do this week!

Will my hands stay lifted?

I don’t know what I’m doing.  I feel like I am lost, stuck between two worlds.  Part of me is mature and ready to take on life, but part of me is so afraid of what life holds that I just want to crawl into bed and not come out.  I have so many questions without answers, so many thoughts but not the words to say them, fears but not the knowledge of how to conquer them. 

I struggle with not having answers.  I like knowing what’s going on and being in control of what is happening.  As life moves on I am realizing that I have less and less control.  I am okay with this and I know it is a good thing as long as I am giving God the control.  I am really trying to figure out what God wants me to be doing, but I’m struggling.  I know this is partly due to the fact that I don’t spend nearly enough time with Him. 

I was reminded tonight that God doesn’t need me to DO anything for Him to love me.  He loves me as I am (which I am so thankful for because I have issues!).  But as I love God I will do what pleases Him.  I will love the people that He loves and help the people that His heart breaks for.

I was challenged tonight by some Kutless songs.  “If You washed away my vanity, if You took away my words, if all my world was swept away, would You be enough for me?  Would my beating heart still sing?  If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted, to the God who gives and takes away?  When there’s nothing left to steal me away, will You be enough for me?  Will my broken heart still sing? ”.  Those words are so challenging to me.  Is God enough to satisfy me if I lost everything and everyone that I love?  Would my hands still stay lifted with a broken heart? 

God is enough for me.  I can do life because I have God with me.  I may not know all the answers but I do know that life is worth living.  God gives good gifts now.  Take a minute to enjoy some of the blessings that God has placed in your life. Kiss the little kid that might get annoying, wash the dished that you are blessed to have, and hug your mom.  You never know what tomorrow will hold.

My heart is overwhelmed when I think about Josiah, Lydia, and Isaac.  They are such amazing little kids.  Tonight as Lydia said a prayer before she went to sleep she thanked God for her food.  Isaac thought it was funny that she was praying a meal prayer at bed time.  I told him that we can still be thankful for our food even when we aren’t eating it.  I said that we can be thankful for the breakfast we will eat tomorrow morning.  Isaac then said “If we are still here in the morning.  We might be in heaven.”  I love that these kids understand spiritual things. They are going to live in Togo as missionary kids in a couple of months.  God, please bless them and be preparing them for the experience that they will have.

I am Wowed by God

 

I am so excited about what God is doing in my heart and I want to tell you about it! 

I have had some crazy days with many God sightings in the last couple of weeks.  There have been sleepless nights, fears, tears, convictions, joys, smiles, laughs, times of growing and stretching, and many memories. 

I was at Roxbury Holiness Camp at the beginning of August with my family and I think God was preparing me mentally and spiritually for what I would experience the rest of the month.  I had an awesome time of reconnecting with friends and soaking in God’s truths. 

Victor and I are both excited about missions and feel that God is calling us in that direction.  So the Monday after Roxbury we went to the mission office to talk about the MDP (Missionary Development Program) and missions.  Afterword I asked the question that I knew the answer to but was never voiced, “When you say you want to do missions, do you mean long term?”  “Yes.”….

Now I am going to be completely honest with you and say that I felt like crying (and I later did).  I had fears, and lots of them.  And I had the American dream.  I really don’t like the American dream (at all!) but as a little girl you get these ideas of the “perfect” life and it is hard to let them go.  I know that I would not be happy with living out the American dream because I would get restless.  I know there are better things to spend your time and money on, things that will glorify God.  But it was still hard for me to embrace that.

Now I am making it sound like I might not want to do missions and this is not the case!  I would love to do missions and I know that God has called me to that.  Those were just the first thoughts that went through my head when Victor and I both said, out loud, that we want to do long term missions.  That brings everything to a whole new level!  Makes it more real. 

We talked about this a lot, we cried, and we prayed.  It was then getting late and I needed to go home because I worked early the next morning.  We say, “Good night” and I am on my way home.  Little do I know what is around the next corner.  I was the first person to get to a one car, car accident.  There is just one guy in the car and it must have just happened.  My first thought was, “How can I get away from here?  Because this is scary!”  I am able to come to reason and make my first 911 call.  I don’t want to go into more details because it was an unsettling experience for me.  I later talked to an investigator and he said that the guy was released from the hospital that next morning and is doing fine.  He was also charged for DUI. 

But any way, that experience right after the long term missions conversation was a lot for my little mind to handle.  I was so afraid that night when I got home.  I talked to my mom for awhile but then she went to bed and I was the only one awake.  As I was lying in bed not sleeping I was experiencing fears I didn’t even know existed.  I want to describe it as crippling.  I was afraid of the dark (which I never was before) and I was afraid of being alone.  I was afraid of losing the people I love or being far away from them and doing life alone.   I was so afraid.

I was praying but it was really hard for me to feel comfort that night.  I had to remind myself that God was with me and that I will never be alone.  It is times like this where it comes in really handy to have some of the major truths memorized.

I have since then, with the help of my friend Jesus, been able to overcome most of my fears.  I still have some but I think they are healthy fears and I’m not too concerned about them.  So this was a big God sighting for me, overcoming fears. 

I have many more stories I would like to share with you but I must go to bed.  I will share them another day.

I want to encourage you because our God is a good God!  He is faithful and able to accomplish immeasurably more than we ask or can even imagine!  Think about that for a minute…. He can do more than we can even imagine!  I can’t even imagine that. :)

How I Have Grown

I have now been back in PA for two weeks and the reinculturation is going well.  I thought it was going to be really hard to come home but so far it hasn't been too bad.  That's not to say I don't have sad days where I miss my little kids in Honduras though.  I still think about, miss, and pray for them but I don't have a deep depression about not being with them in Honduras.  I can definitely tell that lots of people have been and are praying for me through this whole process, for which I am very grateful. 

As I was trying to figure out what to share in this update I had no idea what to put in and what to let out.  So I will just share a couple of high lights and then try to post more stories later. 

One of the reasons I wanted to do the STEP program was to get out of my little comfort box and do something that would require faith.  Something where I would have to totally rely on God to get me through.  Something to test my faith. 

Well, I can now say that I jumped way out of my comfort box and lived by faith.  There were many nights where I prayed, "God, I have no idea how I am going to do this, but with you I can."  And He came through every time!  Not always in the way that I was expecting but He always worked it out.  I learned to fully rely and depend on Him for everything I needed.  I learned to persevere when it would have been much easier to quit and go home.  And I learned to rest and have peace in the only One who is peace.  Oh, and I also learned Spanish!

Another big thing that has really been sticking out to me since I got home are the under privileged kids and youth.  I can not get the picture of Elvin living under the bridge out of my mind.  I liked working with kids before I went to Honduras and while I was there I loved working with them.  Now I have a passion to love on the kids that don't have anyone to love on them.

My challenge now is to figure out what to do with this passion.  I don't want to lose it, but right now I'm not really sure how to use it.  I was reminded of the story of Jeremiah this morning. God pointed out his calling and gifts but didn't give him a location right away.  So now I need to find a ministry of some sort where I can work with kids or youth.  And I am thinking locally right now because I don't have any strong feeling that I should go elsewhere.

You can be praying that God would continue to define His call on my life and that I will be in tune with Him so I can hear what it is.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support through this whole experience!  I have had a blast!